online again!

Well, I finally resorted to plugging in my aged laptop at home and giving up on a new machine. I don't like laptops that much but I suppose it will have to do!!!

I am otherwise in a splendid mood this evening because my new glasses arrived. I now have three pairs to match to different outfits - I think this is necessary because wearing the same thing everyday is remarkably tedious - can you even imagine wearing the same pair of shoes two days in a row? I don't think so. Anyway, they are extremely fabulous and I am happy.

To occupy myself during the offline days, I started thinking about travelling. Here's what I came up with :

Flying with me


It has become apparent over the past few years that flying with me is simply not a good idea. I fully advise against it. Of course, I know you are all thinking that the likelihood of you ever traveling me is remote. We don’t even know each other, right? Well, you just never know – if you see a short redhead with an English accent, you just never know . . .

In any case, before I go into the whys and wherefores of why one should always avoid traveling with me, I think first I will share my observations of my fellow traveler. Perhaps when I have finished you will see why it could be that I am simply “getting mine” for being such an intolerant companion. We shall see.

Traveler 1: I’m trying to impress you with my unimpressive travel credentials man

This is the guy that decides he is so important that everyone needs to hear what he as to say. This feeling of importance usually overcomes him at those quiet moments on the aeroplane when everyone is waiting to disembark – or “deplane” as we apparently now say (incidentally - who on earth came up with that dreadful expression?). He often is dressed in slightly mismatched sportswear and in need of a shave. If not, he is tanned and slick, but in a slimy and nasty way. He looks around, clears his throat and then we all hear "well, honey, I think we have to get on over to terminal B . . . yes, B . . . because that's where the flight to SAN FRANCISCO leaves from . . . you know, its a nice airport they have out there, not as nice as the one in L.A. of course, but still nice blah blah blah blah. All the while he is sharing his "fascinating" stories, he looks around for people he thinks are impressed and shoots them the, "yeah, that's right - I know travel" look that he has spent a good amount of time rehearsing.

Traveller 2: "I'm going to clear my throat loudly every 5 minutes" man

I don't think that he needs much introduction of description. All I know is that there is always at least one of them within two rows of me, no matter what. Come on people! Is it really necessary to clear your throat at all?? This rule, incidentally, applies to all people in all situations.

And luckily for you, this is as far as I got! I think I might think about this some more though. Now I imagine you all think I am horrible. I'm not really - honest!