concerns from separation

Oh today at work was so slow. I thought it might never end.

I have been thinking at lot. When my husband deployed overseas a lot of thoughts ran though my head. Of course, I was concerned for his safety, and concerned that he would be travelling though a very volatile area. I was also concerned that the experience of being there would change him. Four months of lead up training and then a year full time is a long long time for a reservist who does not usually spend more than one weekend a month in that environment. So, as I say, it concerned me.

What I didn't really consider was how it might change me. I just thought that it would be the same for me . . .same town, same chores, same life, just without him. Oh was I wrong! If I'd sat down and thought about it, it would have occurred to me that in my whole life, I have lived alone for 2 months. Now I have been living along 10 months. Not only that, but I had always been in school or uni. Now I have a professional job without the inbuilt socials and late night study bonding.

So 10 months of significant alone time can really change you. There are positives, of course. I'm much more self assured that before. And I can put up curtains and fix toilets. But, it now worries me that other things could be a problem. Have I become too selfish in what I do with my spare time? Have I become less considerate of another person living in the house?? Luckily for me, this has finally come to me at a time when I can still do something about it. He is not expected home for at least 4 more months.

Then of course comes the question of whether I should change back. I feel I should give him what he bargained for as it were, but, should I deny who I am? I know myself much better now than I did before. I want that to continue, and at the same time, make things work as they did before.

Is it realistic to expect things to be the same?

so many questions